Here's a question that was posted on the AskMeHelpDesk discussion board:

I am the General Manager at a small hotel. I have recently promoted a member of the staff to my Assistant Mananger. She is having trouble getting the other employees to listen to her and follow her instructions. I have told her that she needs to 'be the boss' so to speak and not worry about what they think about her. She has outside relationships with these people that she does not want to give up…  If they don't do something that she asked, then she does it not thinking that I know that is what she is doing. I think that she has great potential, but short of firing all of her 'friends' I dont know what else to say to her to make her understand that having friends is ok, but at home, not work."

My Response:

This is a very tough situation for your assistant manager. Going from peer to boss is a transition which many first time managers encounter. I suspect that she is not yet confident in her new position. This may be one reason why she is doing the work for her team. She still feels comfortable in that role.

I have a few recommendations for you as her boss and for her as the new manager.

For you: Have a candid discussion with her. Let her know that you are aware of her doing the work for her team. Tell her clearly that in order to succeed she must establish boundaries with her friends.Assuming that they are doing good work, firing them is not the answer. Your assistant manager must  make a decision on how important this opportunity is for her and what she is willing to do to be successful. This is just the first challenge that she will encounter as a manager and she needs to learn how to deal with difficult situations.

For her: Meet with her team, together or individually and have a similar candid conversation with them. She should take ownership of the problem. Let them know that she has been having a hard time separating their friendship from the job requirements, but in order to be successful, she has to learn how to give out assignments. She wants to be confident that they will carry them out. Let them know that by doing their work, she hasn’t been performing her new duties as manager. Ask for their help and suggestions on how to keep work separate from their friendship.